forgive and let go. easier said than done.

Dear YOU,

Forgiveness doesn’t come easy. Sometimes it doesn’t come at all. When you first discover the truth, all you can do is feel angry, betrayed, and sometimes you feel like it’s your own fault. I could have done this better or that better, but you cannot control what someone else does. Usually it’s those that are closest to us that hurt us the most. Not because the crime was the worst, although sometimes it is, but because there is the most to lose with those relationships. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. It just hurt from head to toe. Now I just feel angry. Angry that you say you were trying to help my relationship yet you were only make it grow more distant. I’m angry at you for being spiteful, smiling to my face while stabbing me in the back. I asked for time, and you won’t give it to me. I don’t want to look at my phone in fear that you have texted me or called me because it only remind me more, if it is even possible to think about it more than all the time. Right now, I don’t want your friendship. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to move past this with you like nothing happened. I need to deal with my own problems instead of feeling sorry for you. Sorry that you are desperate, alone, and need more attention from every guy that crosses your path. Once I have healed myself and am able to see that you are just a person that makes mistakes like the rest of us, then we can talk about forgivenness. Right now, you aren’t anything to me. Forgive me, but I need time to heal before you can have any sort of forgiveness.

Sincerely,

Elisha

Don’t count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count

So tonight we are celebrating the end of the first half of my hubby’s law school. I am counting down the days for him to be finished. It is a long, stressful ride. Anyone that is thinking about going to law school or has a significant other that is thinking about it, talk to me first. Being married to a man that is in school is quite difficult. I thought it wouldn’t be so bad, but somewhere along the lines it was kinda confusing for me. It feels like we are at two completely different places in our lives at times. School life is so different than work life. Work can be so controlling over your life, but it’s my lifeline. It’s the only way to make money (that is legal of course). So it isn’t as easy to blow off when he wants to blow off school or he doesn’t have any classes. It can be quite difficult to navigate through making time for him and still paying bills and surviving. Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t get that anymore. But as of now he only has 15 months of school left - 17 months until graduation. Through all this stress, I couldn’t be more proud of him. I know when all is said and done this will provide a better life for us, but I just want him to be happy with whatever he decides to do. Let the clock begin…