i was young when i first learned how fragile life could be…

Life passes us by so quickly. A blink and 10 years have gone by. When I was just a kid, I remember thinking, ‘i cannot wait until i can make my own decisions, when i’m a grown up and no one can tell me what to do with my life’. Now, as the moments flash before me, I’m trying to hold onto the memories of my childhood and my teenage years. It all seems so long ago. To those that are younger than me, I may seem old at 27, but I feel that the best days, months, and years actually still lay ahead of me. Tears come to my eyes as I think about the people that have come in and out of my life. I wouldn’t be who I am without any of them. I honestly believe that things happen for a reason. That the timing of these people entering your life makes a difference. I miss the friends and family that have left this world for hopefully a better one. I’m not a religious person, but sometimes I pray to anyone that may be able to hear me. The hardest part of losing someone is knowing they are somewhere else and you will never see them again. Unless there is some place that our souls will meet again. Death isn’t an easy subject. It’s the hardest for those of us who get left behind because we are the ones that have to go on living knowing that we will never see their smiles, feel their emrace again. I miss you all terribly. There was nothing better than being held in the arms of your mom, dad, nana, and papa when you didn’t feel well or were just upset. Sometimes it’s been so long since I’ve seen them that I think that I am forgetting what it felt like. I miss you nana and papa. Sometimes I think I forget how to be happy too. I take on other peoples pain and forget about myself. I wanna be carefree. I wanna love with everything I have. I wanna have children to give all my love to like my mom did and still does for me. I have so much to give. Sometimes I wonder what could have happened with my life if I had done this different, or that different. Would I be happier? There is no way to answer that. So this is me, making my life my own again. I’m gonna be happy and live my life for me and no one else. I deserve it because we only get one chance at this. My grandparents lived long, happy lives and I always feel like they had been taken away from me to soon. But then I realize that they had amazing, happy lives even before I was around. They lived complete lives and it was their time (no matter how sad or unfair I feel about it.) This is my life, and I am going to start living it RIGHT NOW.

forgive and let go. easier said than done.

Dear YOU,

Forgiveness doesn’t come easy. Sometimes it doesn’t come at all. When you first discover the truth, all you can do is feel angry, betrayed, and sometimes you feel like it’s your own fault. I could have done this better or that better, but you cannot control what someone else does. Usually it’s those that are closest to us that hurt us the most. Not because the crime was the worst, although sometimes it is, but because there is the most to lose with those relationships. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. It just hurt from head to toe. Now I just feel angry. Angry that you say you were trying to help my relationship yet you were only make it grow more distant. I’m angry at you for being spiteful, smiling to my face while stabbing me in the back. I asked for time, and you won’t give it to me. I don’t want to look at my phone in fear that you have texted me or called me because it only remind me more, if it is even possible to think about it more than all the time. Right now, I don’t want your friendship. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to move past this with you like nothing happened. I need to deal with my own problems instead of feeling sorry for you. Sorry that you are desperate, alone, and need more attention from every guy that crosses your path. Once I have healed myself and am able to see that you are just a person that makes mistakes like the rest of us, then we can talk about forgivenness. Right now, you aren’t anything to me. Forgive me, but I need time to heal before you can have any sort of forgiveness.

Sincerely,

Elisha

Trust

Dear Trust,

Why are you so fragile and breakable,

Yet it is really hard to gain you back?

Even if it take me forever to

regain you. Still I can’t

put you all up together again

like it used to be.

But no matter what

I promise to have at least

half of you back again.

Love, ME.

(Source: hellyeahitsrandom)